I was a single mom, attending school and working part-time for about 10 years, when my body crashed. I would drive 15 minutes home from school, in the middle of the afternoon, slapping my face in order to not fall asleep at the wheel. I surrendered to the fact that every morning I would turn around and drive home, after a few short blocks, because I could not remember if I left the stove on, forgot to bring my homework, or maybe, forgot my phone. Often I could not recall words, or would transpose words or their meanings. My body temperature fluctuated from hot to cold, with clammy feet and hands. I was not digesting any of my food and had severe acid reflux. I was bloated and gassy. I had severe insomnia, not being able to fall asleep and then waking up around 3 am. AND, I was having at least 10-20 heart palpations a day. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
Finally, after I passed my acupuncture license exam I decided to get tested. I was sure my thyroid was playing a part and my naturopathic colleague was sure my immune system was activated, as well. We were both right. I had slight hyperthyroid, but my TPO (auto immune test for the thyroid) was off the charts. My levels were at 1600 and they were supposed to be <35. Shit, I was in trouble.
I started with nourishment(whole food supplements), homeopathy, acupuncture and herbs. It was a long journey of healing, but I managed to drop my levels from 1600 to 900 in the first 6 months. Then, it was years of periodic crashes and burn out mixed with times of feeling quite normal. But, I always returned to the crash and burnout phase. I was taking everything I could externally to support my immune system and it is with that reflection I realized the answer lied within, not without.
I began a long process of really looking at the aspects of myself I did not like. I recognized most of those aspects were a result of cultural and parental conditioning and they were not my own truth. I decided not to deny or turn away any aspect of myself realizing that in this denial I was saying there were parts of myself I was not willing to love. AND, why would I deny loving any part of myself? This embrace of the shadow has brought me full circle in my healing and love for myself and life.