First, we need to look at how behavior patterns become engrained into our being. Mostly, patterns begin in childhood. We are born as love beings—love is our inherent nature. If we were raised in a healthy structure (safety, security, acceptance, etc.) we go out into the world with healthy ways of relating, communicating and integrating experiences. If we were not (this is the case for most of us), because we experienced betrayal, trauma, abuse, etc. we adapted by creating behavior patterns that would navigate us through the wounding, as best as possible. Unfortunately, these wounded behavior patterns don’t serve us when relating to the rest of the world. They become shadow material hidden from our awareness.
At some point, we may come to recognize this and decided these patterns should be changed. Now, we have to look at conscious vs. unconscious patterning. It is great that our awareness has moved to the forefront of our psyche, unfortunately, we are only aware of a very limited percentage of our thought patterns. What is really running the “ship” is our unconscious patterns. It is like trying to convince the captain of the ship to abandon his/her post and saying don’t worry the ship will run without you. The captain says, “no way.” And you’re like, “really I got this, I` am bigger than the ship!” The captain knows the route and how to maneuver through the storms.
So, here we have the behavior pattern (the ship) being steered by the caption (the ego) and our desire to change (higher intelligence). It seems really easy.....higher intelligence should just take over, but you know what, most of us really like the fact that the captain is running the ship. If the captain were to leave we would have to stay vigilant at the helm. If the winds became really strong we would be the ones doing the navigating and all the hard work to set the sails, etc. We quickly realized it is much easier to let the captain do the job. We can sit on the deck, sunbath, have a mimosa, read a book. This seems so much nicer, even though the destination is not were we want to go. Then, when we end up back in Long Beach, the port near Los Angeles, and not the French Rivera we are upset. Until our desire to go another direction becomes stronger than the laziness to not do the work nothing will change.
The next time you want to control the situation, or find yourself in another communication struggle, or the desire to be right over being open you have to STOP and decide right here. What do I really want. And, if you truly want another way of being for yourself, then jump up and plant your butt at the helm!